smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
