Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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