dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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