i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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