Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
