There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
