I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
