He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
