i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You pole danced in your parka.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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