Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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