Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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