Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
