There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
