im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
