Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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