You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
