Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize