Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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