But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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