my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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