Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
