Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my liver is dry heaving
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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