The maid of honor just puked.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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