So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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