just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
