She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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