Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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