We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
