the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize