1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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