Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
