she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
