i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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