if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
