The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize