dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
