You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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