Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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