I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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