dude i'm inner monologue high
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
pray to the hookup gods
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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