haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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