He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
