She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You need Xanax blowdarts
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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