2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize