I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
