before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
