u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
