my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
