people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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