Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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