3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
