yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
