I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
