I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize