Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
