So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
