yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
