"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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