imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
