Having a random hookup so left but love u
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
tell me about the fingering
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