I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
