I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
