This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
