The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I understand Curling. That high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
