i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
