you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
