I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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