I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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