She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
