He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
