I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
