Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize