We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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