I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
