It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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