I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
