Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
