i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
