I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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