i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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