just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
