that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
