I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
