i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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