Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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