my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
