Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
