she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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