if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
