I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
