That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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