God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
