So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
