More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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