I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize