His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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